A father is seen as a provider. He leads the family. He's 'the man' ... When your father is HIV-positive and dying, when he cannot provide for the family, it destroys (some) families completely |
“I’ll be the first to admit a lot of our social ills can really be [tied to] how masculinities have been framed - a man is the boss, what a man should be,” he added. “But it’s important if we want to solve the same social ills that we talk to the very same men and walk with them in their journey.”
Thabisile Dlamini, a journalist, actor and author, wrote about HIV and fatherhood - a topic close to her heart after the loss of her own father to AIDS-related illnesses in 2008. At 20 years old, Dlamini was left to care for her younger siblings.
“A father is seen as a provider. He leads the family. He’s ‘the man,’” she said. “When your father is HIV-positive and dying, when he cannot provide for the family, it destroys (some) families completely.”
“I remember interviewing one family where the father was HIV-positive and had had a stroke so he was disabled. He couldn’t work anymore,” she said. “There were issues of resentment there. I remember sitting down with a father and daughter, and we actually had to postpone the meeting because tensions were so high.”
But Dlamini said she also saw some men’s HIV-positive diagnosis bring families together as they rallied to support fathers or as fathers looked back on their lives as absentee dads and were moved to rekindle bonds with their children.
What’s left unsaid
Pieter van Zyl, a senior writer for South African media house Media24's family magazines, used the opportunity to write about gay men and MSM. He spent three weeks in Cape Town's Guglethu township interviewing MSM and gay men in 2009.
He produced five stories about issues faced by MSM such as discordance, disclosure, and balancing marriages to women with desires to be with men.
The book provides an outlet for some of the stories South African outlets would not run. More than a year after the stories were written, four of the six stories remain unpublished, even by van Zyl's own Media24 Afrikaans-language magazine, which van Zyl said has a large gay readership.
According to van Zyl, while he found resistance to the stories' same-sex subject matter among mainstream media houses, outlets within the gay community were also reluctant to run HIV-related copy they saw as 'depressing.'
Finally for some contributors, such as clinical psychologist Mthetho Tshemese, the work he explored regarding sexuality, masculinity and traditional male circumcision within his Xhosa culture has cemented his interested in working with young men.
He’s started a programme at his former high school in South Africa’s Eastern Cape Province to talk to young men about sex, sexuality and HIV prevention.
“I want them to have the space to reflect on the kind of masculinities they want to embrace,” he told IRIN/PlusNews. “There comes a time, even though we embrace rituals about who we are, [when] we have to start thinking about that that means for us as individuals because all the things we do as men, we do mostly in our individual spaces.”