Source: New Era
One in every two victims of domestic violence receives a death threat from the abuser, according to a comprehensive survey carried out by the Legal Assistance Centre on people who applied for protection orders in Namibia.

At the same time, the majority of romantic relationships in Namibia are based on unhealthy foundations, which eventually lead to gender-based violence, according to the Media Institute of Southern Africa's (MISA) acting National Director, Ngamane Karuaihe-Upi.

In April, a local weekly reported statistics from the Windhoek High Court, which indicated that a shocking 2000 people sue for divorce each month.

Approximately 61 divorce cases are dissolved in the Windhoek High Court every month. A total of 92 divorce cases were heard in one day in April alone and 76 couples sought to have their unions nullified in one week in April.

Adultery, mental and physical abuse and waning affection are among the reasons for divorce. Doubling as a relationship expert, Karuaihe-Upi added that the majority of break-ups are the result of a lack of commitment and lack of integrity towards relationships, as well as unwillingness to sacrifice lust.

He has been dispensing advice on relationship for more than 20 years and hosts a slot on Radio Energy on Sundays, speaking to listeners on relationships.

To avoid violence, Karuaihe-Upi advises that couples should discuss in advance how they would handle disagreements.

"When couples do not prepare in advance, it comes as a shock and anger fuels their conditioning," he said, referring to men in particular who feel that women are their property because they spent money on them.

Men are fine with dumping, but they cannot stomach being "dumped". This stems from a superiority complex, according to Karuaihe-Upi.

According to the LAC's Public Outreach Manager, Rachel Coomer, to reduce the incidence of gender-based violence, changes must be made from zero tolerance towards violence at the community level to better service provision at government level.

She was speaking following the gruesome death of a Polytechnic of Namibia student at the hands of her ex-lover last week.

"We should never blame the victim. Whatever problems there are in a relationship, there is no excuse to resort to violence," said Coomer.

She was responding to whether women could carry blame for some of the violent crimes perpetrated against them, specifically when they are financially dependent on their partners.

However, Karuaihe-Upi advised women to stop confusing their dependence on men for love as men feel taken advantage of.

"You should date only when you are independent with your own career and your own money," he said, adding that dependence on men does not justify killing.

He said women in general get used to being in dysfunctional relationships, which is characterized by phrases such as "better the devil I know" and "if you don't beat me you don't love me."

Society also says that something is wrong with you if you are alone and that is why some people remain in unhealthy relationships, according to Karuaihe-Upi.

"The popular phrase men use is of women being more than men in numbers, hence the need for polygamy which is false, because census results show that women are about 52 percent and men 48 percent, not 70/30 or 80/20," he said.

Society conditions men to do as they please and women allow men to do as they please.

Examples are polygamous marriages, kamborotos, otjiramue (Herero meaning cousin, cousins are allowed to date in the Herero tradition), lobola, raising kids out of wedlock and prostitution, among others, according to the relationship expert.

He accused men of having difficulties in accepting women as equals and called for a change in mindset through sensitization and education.

The director of Gender Equality at the Ministry of Gender Equality and Child Welfare, Victor Shipoh, stressed that families do not have time to speak about respect, dignity, rights and the violation of rights to their children.

"Workshops cannot solve all problems, sensitization should start at home," he stressed.

"Teach your girls and boys about changes in relationships and love from an early age. Teach your boys that a man who does not protect a woman is a coward," he added.

Shipoh emphasized that you cannot kill someone you claim to love and that it is unjustifiable to kill someone because they depend on you financially.

"You cannot imprison someone to be with you. find someone else. It is your partner's right to change her mind about the relationship," he said.

• Namibia