Source: Times of Zambia
THE beatings started in their second year of marriage. Agnes Manda had just given birth to a baby, Sarah when her husband John, started coming home late and drunk.

For Agnes this was not the loving John she knew before, so she confided in her friend Janet, who told her that it was normal for husbands to act like that after the arrival of a baby.

She thus decided to bid her time wait and see if he would change but alas! as is usually the case, he became worse.

The battering escalated their home was turned into a boxing ring and the much desired peace eluded the young couple. Instead there was unfathomed animosity.

Then the random phone calls in the middle of the night started, with John tip toeing to the bathroom to answer the phone in a whisper, due to his belief that the wife was sound asleep.

One night she decided to question him about who was sending the strange phone calls coming through at odd hours, and then John in a guilty panic punched her and asked her what nerve she had to question him like a child.

From there it went downhill until one day in a fit of jealousy, he broke her arm, Janet rushed to the hospital where she was issued with a medical report.

The matter was then reported to the Victim Support Unit (VSU) and she was taken to a safe house by the Young Women Christian Association (YWCA).

Before the matter could be taken to court, Agnes changed her mind about having her hubby prosecuted and these are the reasons she gave.

"My baby is still young and society will frown upon me besides who will help me look after my child."

Another reason was that she believed he had learnt his lesson, a belief she got from his incessant apologies.

Having no jurisdiction to keep a woman determined to return to her husband no matter how dangerous the situation was, the YWCA let her go.

And two weeks later, Agnes was dead, beaten to death by an incensed husband who thought a call she was making to her brother was to a lover.

This is the reality with most victims of Gender Based Violence (GBV) whose cases have increased tremendously and putting pressure on society and relevant authorities as to finding ways of ending the scourge.

The decision to withdraw a case before it reaches prosecution stage is a major hindrance in the fight against GBV.

It is a common tendency by women to withdraw an abuse case before the perpetrator is tried in the courts of law and sometimes during the court proceedings.

This development has not only unsettled women groups but also the police services who feel that their efforts to clamp down on the perpetrators are being frustrated by these seemingly 'over forgiving' victims of gender based violence.

According to the Young Women's Christian Association (YWCA), the reports indicate that GBV cases in the year 2010 (January - December) were 8,400 and the compiled records for 2011 (Jan - June)were 3,642.

The figures might look like they have dropped but the key thing one should bear in mind is that these are reported figures merely but what about those that go unreported.

Executive Director of the YWCA Mrs Patricia Ndhlovu says that it is difficult to determine how many cases are withdrawn on daily basis without proper data.

"Unfortunately, cases take long in court and it is not possible to detect how many cases from 2010 or 2011 were prosecuted, because sometimes we lose track of these cases due to some being withdrawn midstream when we refer to the police and others getting withdrawn from the courts due to them taking too long in court." she added.

Mrs Ndhlovu's explanation of the entire scenario is backed by that of Dailess, a classic example of a woman who has stared death in the face and yet she still continues to share a bed with the perpetrator of the crime.

Dailess says she has lost count of how many police stations she has had visited during her troubled era saying she is now even embarrassed to report any of the new cases because she has withdrawn so many of them before.

But why does Dailess, a beautiful soft spoken woman choose to return to her violent and abusive husband even though she knows her life is in danger?

"I cannot explain what drives me back to him, I am scared of him, I even hate him but I feel like I cannot survive without him." Dailess says tearfully looking around as if scared that her oppressor is anywhere near her, eaves dropping.

She fears that her two sons and herself might suffer if he is incarcerated. This is also another major contributing factor prompting her to constantly taking him back.

Most abusers are financially powerful than their victims, thus when a woman is abused she will still be unable to support herself if she walks away from the marriage.

The Victim Support Unit works in tandem with other organisations like the YWCA to try and curb GBV but their noble work is evident being frustrated by the tendency by some women to withdraw cases at will even when the trials have progressed leading to a lot of expense in the exercise being wasted.

Sadly even for defilement and rape cases, women and family would rather withdraw matters without even considering the implications this may have on the child or even other children these men may target.

The Victim Support Unit (VSU) says the situation is problematic as there are some victims who live in a cycle of abuse and its like they get used to it.

National Coordinator for The VSU Tresford Kasale says the cycle starts with the victim forgiving the perpetrator and reconciling with their partners who do not take long to abuse them and the cycle continues.

Mr Kasale says the victim will shuttle to different Police Stations and Courts to prevent the humiliation of going back to the same place and pretend that it is a fresh case when infact no..

He says the unit does not entertain withdrawals if one sustains greivious bodily harm unless for cases which are not considered serious enough like a slap, Mr Kasale also bemoans the habit of parents asking or receiving compensation from perpetrators of child related abuse saying this should not stop forth-with.

No matter the case, relations should let the unit start criminal proceedings against the offender and then may be later on they can consider suing for compensation.

To solve any problem the root cause has to be identified and dealt with decisively as most GBV cases are perpetrated against females it only makes sense to hear the male folk out.

And this is what the Camp Fire Initiative is trying to achieve by getting men to discuss issues under a relaxed and non confrontational environment.

The men are encouraged to talk freely at camp fire events which are modelled after olden days 'insaka 'when men would meet and discuss issues that affected them and the village around a fire.

Mr Kasale says at the camp fire men will discuss why they are led to hit their women when normal dialogue can suffice.

Painting men as villains is something that society is good at and yet we rarely ask what makes them behave that way.

Psychologist Samson Newstead Mseteka says all human beings are violent but it is only the degree of violence that varies from one individual to another and this variance is caused by various factors.

Dr Mseteka says most violent people grew up in violent homes so the violence is assimilated when they become adults.

According to him alcohol and substance abuse are also known to boost the confidence of abusive men adding that violence is usually premeditated with the use of alcohol as an excuse.

Communication is vital in any relationship and Dr Mseteka confirms this by saying; "Most of the violence in homes has to be looked at in terms of communication, a lack of it leads to mistrust between partners. Mistrust further creates a psychological imbalance in the relationship and to cope with this some men resort to violence."

He says when this is identified as the root cause of domestic violence, it becomes easier to deal with.

Dealing with it is vital, as the effects of GBV are not only physical but also traumatic not only for the victim but also for other people they live with like children.

"A victim will encounter trauma which they will live with for the rest of their lives.It is vital for them and any children who have witnessed the abuse to undergo psycho-social counselling."he said.

Dr Mseteka says that many victims have reconciled themselves to the trauma thus they accept the abuse as normal and go back, he adds that many abused people actually blame themselves assuming that they are responsible for the abuse inflicted on them.

He says that the idea of breaking a marriage is devastating to many people saying the need for companionship and the prospect of losing it is traumatic.

The Psychologist feels divorce and jail are not always the solution saying that dialogue and psychosocial counselling is.

The question to be asked is; don't men take it for granted that many women will withdraw cases and thus they get away with it?

The fact that GBV cases are not decreasing as they should is an indication that perhaps there might be some truth in this theory.

According to the Gender Based Crime Statistics report for the year 2010, 8467 cases were reported and out of these 344 were withdrawn after they had reached the courts and 3021 before the cases even reached the courts.

This could be true when one does the calculations and compares against the 2011 first quarter report of the VSU Gender Based crime statistics which indicates that of the 2028 reported cases; 18 were withdrawn after they had reached prosecution stage and 599 earlier.

Perhaps one reason that causes women to withdraw is the fact that some court cases take long to be disposed of however one can't help but feel that the state should not allow cases especially those that involve children to be withdrawn.

Dr Mseteka suggests that law enforcers should be given in-depth trainings in psychology, adding that there is need in cases of abuse to have a psychologist testify in court.

"Because cases of violence are often psychological, it is essential for law enforcers, magistrates and Judges to be able to understand this from a psychological perspective because some cases require correctional therapy." He said.

For as long as perpetrators are not deterred in any way the sad part is that the root cause of the problem will never be identified.

It is time to break the cycle.

• Zambia