Source: The Herald
From November 25 to December 10 the nation commemorated 16 Days of Activism against gender-based violence. This period also saw the launch of the 4Ps Campaign on Zero Tolerance to gender based violence.

 The 4Ps Campaign on Zero Tolerance to Gender Based Violence advocate Prevention, Protection, Participation and Programmes. We know that gender based violence is perpetrated by both men and women.

It is a fact that women are the worst affected as they are raped, maimed or killed. It is possible that a number of male victims suffer in silence because admitting abuse by a woman is deemed denigrating to a man.

Masculinity is associated with physical power and authority. Society believes it is the man who sets the tempo in the home and therefore his word is final.

From observation I have noted that economic hardships have seen men out of employment and women becoming breadwinners. In this scenario the man can become a victim of abuse or violent to make up for his lost ego. It is said that most of the reported cases are said to be from women.

While this might be so I think most incidents go unreported because a woman is expected to endure, as it is said "mukadzi anoshingirira" or "hashamuri hapwa pese pese." (safe guards what happens in the home.

As a result it is not unusual for a woman or family to protect a perpetrator of violence.

In my view considerable attention should be given to prevention as the old adage says prevention is better than cure. The theme for this year's commemorations was "From Peace in the Home, to Peace in Our Nation: Let's Challenge all Forms of Gender Based Violence."

This theme recognises that the home is a very important unit in the fight against gender-based violence. I believe, as was pointed out by Leeve Kadenge in one of the daily papers, peace starts with the individual.

The Bible says, "from the depth of the heart the mouth speaks" therefore the manifestation of violence signifies a deep sitted problem. A person who has no inner peace cannot be a conduit of peace to others. Violence breeds violence.

It starts with the individual because he/she has beliefs, pressures and experiences that shape the way he or she responds to influences and situations.

In other words gender-based violence starts from the cradle, that is from childhood. What a person sees or hears for example especially in the family environment shapes the way he/she handles his/her own intimate relationship. A person can choose to be different while another person falls into the same trap of violence. I think the power of childhood experiences should never be under-estimated. The basis of my argument is the story in the Bible about the boy who had epileptic seizures.

When the father brought him to Jesus for healing it was established that the problem had its roots in his childhood. Our efforts therefore to eradicate gender-based violence should target children from an early age.

Parents have a lot of work to do through modelling a gender-based violence free life. This means that parents should manage their attitudes, words and watch their actions in their relationship to protect the young mind.

The parents are also responsible for building self-esteem in a child. A child needs affirmation from the parents in order to develop a positive self-image.

In my view abusers are insecure individuals who can only boost their ego through pulling others down. Having a poor self-image makes so much noise in a person and it drives him or her to deal with it through bringing others down. This is not unique to a family setting but common in workplaces and even churches.

What we need to know is you can never keep a good man/woman down. Other people in a bid to be assertive become aggressive. There is a thin line between assertiveness and aggressiveness. Shoya Zichy says assertiveness is a product of self-awareness, self-knowledge, self-management and self-esteem. This means that assertiveness is dealing with self through learning self- control with a view to better self.

Aggressiveness is about being antagonistic implying a struggle against something or someone. In my view an aggressive person will not let anyone or anything stand in his/her way. Aggression tends to strengthen resolve but does very little to improve self-control and build self-esteem. I recall the story in a movie that I watched of a man who worked hard and was determined such that he climbed the corporate ladder fast. He, however, remained insecure that he used to beat up his wife and tear apart her self-esteem.

It took a lot of counselling to restore her self-image and self-worthiness. It was her assertiveness that brought the violence to an end. Some women in an effort to ascertain their space in the home or market place have become aggressive.

This I believe fuels gender-based violence as men strike back to protect their space. I have heard stories of women who cannot do anything to improve themselves socially or economically. Their efforts to better themselves are shot down and they get no support from their spouses. They are kept down so they cannot upset the existing power relations. Gender based violence is a game of power. It has been said "Men of quality are not afraid of gender equality." A few days ago we saw men young and old marching against gender based violence.

It was interesting to note that boys participated in this very noble cause. This, however, should not be an event but a life-long process to cultivate the consciousness from an early age that keeping a woman down will not add value to one's life. The challenge that we are up against is a mammoth one as the playground has become a serious threat in this global village.

The influence of the media cannot be downplayed. How then can parents equip children to separate these influences from real life? How do we cultivate self- respect and respect for others in children? How do we teach children to manage their emotions and be assertive rather than aggressive?

Gender based violence is counterproductive therefore let us all commit ourselves to zero tolerance to gender-based violence.

 

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